See His Love.

A while back I had a vision.  It was unexpected as I had just laid down for bed and was ready for a good night's rest.  I closed my eyes and ever so suddenly I saw Jesus Christ at the time just before His crucifixion on the cross.  He was walking through a crowd of jeering hecklers and I was right there beside Him.  Although there was so much chaos happening around us, I could see and physically feel a circle of peace hovering around us.  I felt the impression that in His presence, I am protected.  He proceeded to walk towards the cross.  I couldn't speak as the moment terrified me, but my eyes pleaded that He stay with me.  Then He took my hands and said, "I have to... because you deserve this love."  The vision was so much to bear that I opened my eyes.

A favorite holiday tune of mine is "I won't forget this Christmas" by Plus One. A lyric I am reminded of is "I won't forget this Christmas that I am nothing without You."  In the midst of holiday shopping, caroling, and wrapping, I generally try not to forget what matters most about this season and the essence of it's existence: the birth of Jesus Christ.  But that vision I had is so embedded into my heart and mind that my love and compassion has transformed from a seasonal feeling to an internal part of my identity. 

Psalm 139:14

A day after I wrote "Insecure Rut" I pulled out my 4-year-old's book for Cubbies.  Cubbies is a preschool group under the Awana Club where children participate in art activities, play games, hear puppet stories, and learn about God.  Every week little cubbies have the opportunity to earn patches for their vests by reciting a memory verse.  This week's verse:

"I am wonderfully made."  Psalm 139:14

My confidence and faith is already rising by the simple recitation of this verse. 

Thanks, Cubbies!

Cubbie: Adisson

Insecure Rut

I despise height jokes.  It makes me wonder why people want to tease about something an individual has no control over.  I didn't eat my way into petite stature.  I didn't drink myself into this state.  I was born this way.  Then again, maybe I need to be more humorous and my height is a huge insecurity that I need to get over. 

I used to date a 6' 1" basketball player whose standard of beauty was a 5' 10" model.  Before he came into my life, I thought I was fairly pretty.  After him, I stupidly decided that beauty lies in the height.  How beautiful could a 5' 1" female be?  Every so often I get stuck in this rut where I feel unattractive because I don't fit into the model criteria.  And then I snap out of it.  I need to STOP taking ownership of this insecurity.   

I look at my daughters, already petite in height but astoundingly beautiful, remarkably charming, and surpassing in intelligence.  All I see is beauty written over them.  I never want my children to doubt how wonderful they are because the world says America's Next Top Model is 5' 10" and above.  So why do I doubt how wonderfully made I am?  If I doubt myself in this manner, I'm choosing to take away from one of God's designs.  He is the Artist.  I try to live my life in sincere appreciation of all He's done, all He does, and all He's doing.  That means I need to appreciate what He's done, does, and is doing in me.  Height included. 

1985.

2011.

Nap Time?

As usual, I laid my two princesses down for their afternoon nap.  Moments of sweet silence passed when all of a sudden I heard a chorus of giggles coming from the royal bedroom.  I walked in to find that Adisson climbed inside of Catalina's crib and decided to play dress-up with her little sister.  So much for nap time.

Grant Me Serenity

The need for grace and peace has been a constant for me the last few weeks. Who am I kidding? Years!!! I once read that a person's attitude when things go wrong is a reflection of that person's true character. It's easy to act like the yearbook's Best All Around when you wake up to sunshine, favorite song on the radio, and the most beautiful person in the world is your significant other. But it's difficult to flash a million dollar smile when your monthly visitor heavily arrives and people just aren't accommodating your simple requests. I find myself reflecting on a simple petition: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Cherishing Catalina

Keenan said something to me the other day that has been echoing in my mind: "She (Catalina) is not going to be like this for long."  As in, Catalina is growing very quickly and she is not going to be a baby much longer.  At 7-months-old she already has two teeth and is crawling backwards.  Gone are the days of toothless grins and gone are the days of total dependence on Daddy and Mommy for mobility.  It is only a matter of time before the adorable coos transform to words and the Rolly Polly rolls progress to steps.  For a while there, I was going about my days in complete frustration at the laundry pile ups, constant dishes, diarrhea disasters, toddler tantrums, incessant crying and screeching screams that all of these things drowned my enjoyment in this very brief time with Catalina as an infant.  She will always be my baby girl, but the natural process is for her to grow out of infancy into toddlerhood, pre-adolescence, adolescence, etc..  So I had better get over the other stuff and just enjoy this time with my precious, adoring, completely lovable Catalina.  Keenan is right, she is not going to be like this for long.  So Mommy is going to relax, let the daily chores come and go, and cherish these days with my baby. 

Solids mesh well with the new teeth.  Literally.

Bath time is a favorite for Catalina.

Experimenting with the sippy cup.

Daddy's day to do hair = Fohawk.

  

Walking Memory

As I was walking into the Post Office today I crossed paths with a woman that was the spitting image of my late Grandma, Tequia Jose.  We exchanged warm smiles as we passed one another and I went on to take care of my postal business.  While I was driving home later that afternoon I was hit with a sudden pang of sweet sorrow.  I began to recall memories of my Grandma and longed to go back in time to show her my endearment.  There are three things I remember about my Grandma: 1) She was a woman of God.  As I child, we shared a room and I vividly remember waking up to find her kneeling on the floor and earnestly praying the rosary.  Mind you, this was generally between 4 and 5 in the morning so I usually ended up pouting for her to turn off the light and pray.  2)  She was an excellent cook of authentic Filipino food.  In my opinion, her best dish was Samporado which is a Filipino chocolate rice pudding.  3) She cared about her appearance.  She was so beautiful she woke up looking like a Philippine Alexander doll- flawless fair skin, dark thin eyebrows, and crimson lips. And the woman I saw at the Post Office looked just as I described.  Little does she know that her appearance brings me such sweet memories of my Grandma.  I miss her.

Tequia Jose

Pink Hair?!

 This morning Adisson told me she wants pink hair like this little Bubble Guppie:

Molly

Who knew that viewing Nickelodeon cartoons would provide opportunities of in-depth discussions for parents and their children?

Catalina, Fly like a G-man

Making of a Giants fan.

AT&T Park

Catalina attended her first SF Giants baseball game on Easter.  While we are faithful fans, we did not purposely plan to miss church and instead opt for the ballpark.  Keenan bought tickets to Sunday's game unaware that it was Easter (or so he claims).

It took Catalina a while to get used to the hooping and hollering of the fans, but eventually she learned to cope to the noise and fell into a deep slumber on my shoulder.  Good thing she was exhausted because she slept through my rally cries when the Giants took a 6-5 lead in the seventh inning.  However, we suffered a 9-6 extra-inning loss to the Atlanta Braves.  Oh well!  It was a great game and we still left the stadium feeling fly like a G-Man.

Egg-stra Special Day

This year Easter came one day earlier as my husband "accidentally" bought tickets to the Giants vs Braves game on Easter Sunday.  This early celebration came to Adisson's liking as she has been especially eager to hunt for Easter eggs thanks to festive episodes of Dora and Max & Ruby.  We kicked off Easter Saturday at Andrew's Park, Vacaville, to enjoy egg hunts and carnival rides.  The Easter Bunny was a no-go for Adisson.  She absolutely refused to even look at the bunny and later explained, "Mommy, I only like little bunnies."  To ensure every child got an egg, children were limited to three eggs each.  As most parents know, three eggs is simply not enough for young treasure hunters.  So we conducted another egg hunt just for Adisson when we got home.  Adisson turned the tables on us as she later hid the eggs and made the adults find them.  And 4-year-old's can come up with the oddest hiding places for tiny items.

Easter Egg Hunter.

Those eggs can be tricky to open.

Ready for church.

My first Easter.

In the evening we attended Easter service at the Father's House, Vacaville.  During worship, we got to watch performance painter, David Garibaldi, paint a 6 foot portrait of... well, you can see for yourself.  It was an inspiring art show and I was both bewildered and stunned by what Garibaldi created within minutes.

Can you see Him?

Adisson's Alias

Adisson is convinced that she is Wonder Red, an animated character on the PBS series called SUPER WHY.  The show is excellent at helping kids learn letters and other such reading skills.  Whenever the show comes on Adisson sings the theme song and as soon as the characters introduce themselves, Adisson pops up and says, "Look!  That's me!"  Do you see any resemblance?

Laugh Out Loud (LOL)

For the past week I have been moody and irritable.  At times I thought that I just needed to get out of the house and have some alone time at a store (i.e. Kohl's) totally convinced that I would not buy anything.  But putting me in a store to merely look without making a purchase is like putting a kid in a candy store with free samples and expecting them not to try a single one.  So I would go to Kohl's and stroll the aisles and almost always come out with something that I needed and let's not forget to mention that the article of clothing was on the 80% off clearance rack.  Then later on I would check the status of my checking account, notice the dwindling account total, and end up more moody than I was before I had "alone time."  Cross that moodiness solution off the list.  

Adisson is excellent at approaching me when I need to be shown love the most.  Often a simple sigh is a sign to her that Mommy needs some cuddling.  Unfortunately, because of my moodiness the attention she received back was an artificial hug and more of Mommy's frustration.  Most of this frustration was triggered by episodes where I have to ask Adisson to do something five times before she finally responds, "What did you say?  I can't hear you."  She would say it in the sincerest way as if she really did not hear me, but I was not convinced.  The fact that I had to repeat myself so many times that day upset me to the point that I ended up yelling, "put away your toys!"  Stunned, Adisson put away her toys, came back to me, and stroked my back with her little hand.  Who could turn away such innocent and genuine attention?  Me.  What a shame... but I did.  When I laid in bed that evening I felt so awful for the way that I treated not only Adisson, but the rest of the family too. 

So I came up with another solution to this moodiness: laugh out loud.  Yesterday anytime I needed Adisson to do something I put myself into a position where I could make eye contact with her and calmly gave her instructions.  This counteracted the former "I can't hear you" response and got things done quicker.  Not necessarily in a timely manner, but quicker than the day before.  I laughed out loud every opportunity I got.  I began this in the morning and could not escape the laughter for the rest of the day.  Quiet frankly, the girls were surprised to see this side of Mommy and were happy to oblige me with more reasons to laugh: a big smile, the sweetest coo, a funny face, or a silly dance.  By the time my husband got home from work, his girls were all smiles and giddy from laughing.  He could not help but to chime in with the laughter.  The atmosphere at home completely changed.  There was not a cloud of moodiness and irritation over our household anymore because I chose to excuse it and exchange  it for joy and laughter.  Note to self: Add LOL to list of "TO DO."

LOL: One good pic out of 5 takes.

Life with Two

Big Sister & Little Sister

Adisson is a wonderful big sister and enjoys the presence of our newest addition.  Throughout pregnancy I was told by many that parenting gets easier after the first child because parents have the assistance of the older siblings.  I have yet to experience this so-called ease of parenthood.  Don't get me wrong, much credit is due to my 4-year-old for helping Daddy & Mommy with the new baby.  She is, after all, only 4-years-old and the assistance she is capable of giving at this stage in life is helpful... to a certain degree.  For instance, Catalina at the age of nearly 6-months-old was introduced to applesauce.  This baby's version of applesauce came in the form of mashups- the revolutionary organic squeezable fruit.  I pulled the mashup out of the refrigerator and set it on a table in the family room.  After changing Catalina into a clean diaper I grazed back to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of water before feeding time.  During this task I heard Adisson tenderly reciting words of praise to her little sister like, "great job, Catalina" and "that's a good girl!"  I relished in the sound of sisterly love when I suddenly snapped out of the moment when I heard, "you want more apple sauce?"  I hurried to the family room and saw apple sauce spread all over Catalina's mouth, cheeks, nose, ears, bib, and clothes.  I was upset that I had yet another big mess to clean but Adisson looked like she felt so accomplished and Catalina looked very pleased at the taste of apple sauce in  her mouth.  So on the one hand, yes, I have the help of the older sibling.  I just have to appreciated that the assistance comes at a 4-year-old level.

Lucky Charm

When I was pregnant Keenan continuously joked that our baby would come at a time that would allow his paternity leave to be when the San Francisco Giants go to the World Series.  Sure enough, Catalina honored Daddy and upon her arrival, the Giants won the National League West and eventually ended years of torture (they had not won a title since 1954) and won the World Series 2010.

Adisson showcasing AT&T Park- Giants territory.

Our family (Catalina still in the oven).

Princess Catalina

On September 20 we welcomed our second beautiful princess, Catalina.  The labor itself did not progress as speedily as I'd hoped, but Catalina's delivery was completed in two pushes in less than 5 minutes.  My husband and I looked at each other with tears welling up in each of our gazes as we heard the first cry of our newest addition to the family.  I wanted to burst into exhausted and gleeful tears as he cradled my head and cried, "You did it, baby!  You did it!"   

Catalina. 7 lbs 1 oz, 20.5 inches